Most of the tracks on my “Songs I’ll Always Love” playlist are songs that I’ve been listening to for years, some going back even a decade. While I fall in love with new musicians practically every week, I wouldn’t hold their respective tracks to the standard of “Songs I’ll Always Love” because enough time hasn’t passed to really test those waters. The songs that make this playlist have sentimental value, these are songs that have played integral roles in my life. Catfish and the Battlemen are a bit of an anomaly. Before this summer, I had heard the name, probably listened to a few tracks, but never paid much attention to them.
In June I reconnected with an old friend from high school who happened to have evolved into fellow music junkie trash. She loves CATB the way I love The Cure, which says a lot in itself. Trusting her taste, I decided to give them a second shot. Lying by the pool one afternoon I tapped into their Spotify and selected the highest played song, “Kathleen”. Within about a minute, I knew I was doomed. By the end of the day, I had listened to their entire, albeit short, discography multiple times through and was somewhat concerned for my sanity but had absolutely no intentions to slow my roll. After about a week, I bought tickets for their October 18th show at Terminal 5 (three weeks away!!!!) And my infatuation was born.
I’ve never fallen so hard and so fast for a band since, dare I say it but… The Cure. There’s something about the lyrics, carefully orchestrated by lead singer Van McCann, that have strung me along for the past four months, getting me dangerously hooked. After familiarizing myself with all of CATB’s tracks, I quickly developed favorites- the track “7” off of their sophomore album The Ride coming in at #1.
When I first started really getting into this song, it resonated with me because the lyrics reminded me of the way I think my ex-boyfriend thought, or thinks, of me. The song is about someone who is in love but not emotionally or mentally ready or capable to give all of themselves to their partner.
“Promised again that I would call her/ Forgot the time because I’m seven hours behind/ It’s probably good I didn’t call though/ But I always want to/ I beg you/ But you know I’m never home/ I love you/ But I need another year alone/I try to ignore it every time you phone/ But I never come close”
A few weeks ago I was driving home late on night, blasting this song. I had an epiphany. Yes, this song makes sense in relation to my ex, but in that moment, it empowered me. I’m the one who “needs another year alone” or “another second to myself”, I’m the one who needs to be unavailable, or “never home”. As a senior in college with one more year of competitive dance on the table, this has to be my time to focus on myself. It’s not the time to get involved in any sort of romantic relationship because I can’t afford to be distracted right now. I made a pact with myself that night, I vowed to dedicate this upcoming year to myself, to becoming the best version of myself, to establish the roots for a secure future. Every time I feel myself drifting from the oath I made, I get in my car, blast this song, and sing until my vocal chords dry out. I come home, make a cup of tea, sleep off whatever it is I’m feeling, and start fresh in the morning.
BOYSDONTKRY 